The Awkwardness of Seeing Yourself on TV

It's like hearing your own voice, that awkward cringe when you think "is that really what I sound like", only worse.

Not only can you hear yourself, but you can see yourself too.

"So this is how people see me then, is it?"

Only it isn't really, because your acting, your someone else. But then you look at yourself, and criticise your acting, thinking how terrible your American accent is (it was pretty bad), thinking that you don't look that convincing, or that you're doing something wrong. I suppose it is just that natural, first thought human approach, instinctive to get the bad things out of the way first. Because really, on reflection, it wasn't that bad, and I did what needed to be done!

And I got paid for a brief moment of fame, so who am I to complain really!

Still, it is quite surreal seeing yourself on TV. First off it's strange because it happened so long ago! The scene that aired last night (mid October) was filmed in mid July, so in some ways it's a bit of a blast from the past. Then again, it's still all so fresh in your mind, and the anticipation of this upcoming episode has been building for so long, you feel like it can't come soon enough!

When you finally find out the air date, there is then the question of how much do you promote it. Sure, you want friends and family to see it, even if it is a small part, but then again, you don't want to come across all boastful and arrogant. You want to play it off nice and cool and modest, and yet still have people watching. That actor's need for attention.

Paradoxically though, a part of you feels like you don't want anyone to watch! What if it's terrible? What if no-one likes the show? What if they love the show but hate your part? Or what if you do something embarrassing? Or worse still, what if your scene gets cut, which is a very real possibility?

In the end of course, the actor's need for attention wins out, and you make sure everyone you know will be watching, and the anticipation reaches it's climax, as the show starts and you begin to see that little scene you filmed fall into place with the story of the whole episode.

You know your part is about to come up, right before anyone else does. And then, you're there, filling the screen in your living room! There is definitely an initial little bit of that childlike wave of thought "I'm here, and I'm there at the same time"! And then, you're so busy gawking at your screen debut that you miss what's going on in the story. Of course, I'd filmed it, so I knew, but I'm sure my family was a little caught up in it too.

Then there's the analysis, seeing how all those shots came together to form that brief scene, how 6 hours of work boiled down to 2 minutes on screen. The weighing up of your performance. And then it's all done, the story moves onto another scene, and your life seems so normal again. That's show business for you.

Afterwards you wait expectantly to see if people recognised you, to see what they thought. And it is always wonderful to have people talking about it, and great to hear from old friends who spotted you, and decided to get back in touch. Fun to talk about the scene now people have finally seen it, fun to speculate about how famous you are now going to become..... yeh right! As I said, before you know it, it's back to reality.

 

Anyway, in case you missed it (here's that self-promoting actor again), for your viewing pleasure, my debut speaking performance on British television, in Episode 5 of Fresh Meat, playing of all things, an American Tourist in London, filmed in Manchester. It was also raining and cold, in the middle of July (standard Manc weather). Oh, any my hair is super short, because it was shaved for a previous role I had as a soldier!

American readers: You'll need to download that Expat Shield  I was talking about in order to be able to view! I will try and maybe get a youtube clip of it or something, so that everyone can view it easier, but for now, this will have to suffice.

Also, if you don't know anything about the show, it's about a group of students... it's rather crude and vulgar, and has lots of bad language in it! You have been warned!

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/fresh-meat/4od#3242122

 

Click to view! (Once you have expat shield running if you are in the US!) If you don't want to watch the whole episode, skip to 12.20 on the bar at the bottom (once you've watched all the obligatory adverts) and you should see me come into the scene in about ten seconds! Sit back and enjoy!

 

I'll post a link to a previous Fresh Meat episode I was in as well, as an extra in the background of the pub, just in case you can't get enough of me ;)

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/fresh-meat/4od#3236525

Same deal, skip to 11.44 mins and I'm the guy sat in the foreground until 12.01, and then you may catch me in the bottom left corner of the screen at 34.28!

Thanks for watching!

London Bound- First Class Style

It doesn't happen very often, so it when it does, I like to bask in the glory of it. Travelling first class.

Plus, I thought it would be fun to write a post while journeying South to London on the train. A tilting train at that.

I've always been fascinated by trains. I love the intricacy of the the rail network, all the behind the scenes operations, and the way trains work. There is definitely something innately British about travelling by train. Don't get me wrong, travelling by cross-continental train across the US would be incredible, but I don't think anything beats a train journey through the English countryside, seeing places that you would never see from the road.

I haven't been so fascinated by trains that I spend long hours sat on platforms "spotting" trains as they go past. I could perhaps understand that in the past, when there were more frequent trains and a greater variety of engines, observing beautiful steam trains like the Flying Scotsman or the Mallard cruising past. But really, how many small, two carriage, dilapidated commuter trains can you watch. Alright, the TransPeninneExpress ones are purple, but still.

There's little doubt that the hey day of the British Rail Network has passed, as train routes are discontinued and journeys become ever more infrequent with costs continually rising. Yet there is still hope for the country which created train travel. I find that most people are in favour of train travel in the UK, unlike the US. It's popular, because it's practical.

Take this train to London. It's at least 10 carriages long, and judging by the capacity in first class, I'd say there's probably at least 300 people on board. At least. And there are three of these trains an hour. Let's ballpark a figure of 800 people an hour going down to London. I'd say at least 75% of those people are travelling alone. That mean's if this train journey didn't exist, that would be 600 more cars on the road per hour.

My logic is hardly flawless, but you get the picture. Practical and environmental sense.

It's comfortable too. And I'm not just saying that because I'm enjoying extra space and lots of freebies in first class. Just being able to sit and enjoy the scenery, work, blog, tweet, sleep or listen to music, rather than face the hassle of motorway traffic easily makes it worth it. As does the time it takes, at least half the time it would be via road, thanks to improved lines and the tilting nature of Virgin's fast trains.

But there is no doubt being in first class makes everything just a little nicer, especially considering it only cost me £4 extra. I'd already made up that cost in free coffee, lemonade and biscuits sat in the first class lounge in Manchester waiting for my train. On the train I've been enjoying free wi-fi, more drinks, and a sausage buttie! Not too shabby at all.

I've still been getting those "you don't belong in first class" looks, but that's ok. Those people are probably just jealous about how much they paid for their ticket.

So if you're ever planning a journey in the UK, consider the train instead of the car. You won't regret it. And America? You desperately need to work on your rail network. I know Wisconsin is going to regret letting Gov. Walker stop the train. We should all be hopping aboard, not disembarking.

All In A Day's Work: Part 2

Besides working in a men's clothing store, I also do some weekday work, albeit sporadically.  It's interesting and ever changing work: One day I had to deal some drugs; another time I was a soldier, sprinting to stop an intruder. Then there was time I was an American Tourist, in Manchester, pretending I was in London.

Though some would dispute it, I don't have multiple personalities, but I do act.

And acting is what I have been doing since I returned to England in June. It's always been a dream, an ambition of mine, to be a full time actor, a Hollywood movie star, a famous British Thespian, but has largely taken a sideline to more traditional studies. Now though, I have decided that I really want to get my teeth stuck into it. And so, I got in touch with some acting agencies, and jumped right into it.

Sadly, it isn't currently regular work, and, you have to start at the bottom of the pile. But, I landed on my feet and got lucky with a few roles, which I'll detail later. First though, I want to describe what life is like on set, and what a "working day" usually involves.

It usually starts early. Call time is often 7.30am, which is what time you have to be present at the studio, or on location, depending on where/what is being filmed. One time, it was the Shameless studio in Wythenshawe; another time, it was in the North Yorkshire moors. So depending on the location, it can entail leaving home at 5.30am. Often though, breakfast is provided when you arrive! All inclusive :)

After you check in with either the runner (a person who "runs" back and forth between the director, producer and cast) or the 2nd or 3rd assistant director, it's off to costume to get fitted out in some suitable attire. If it's just regular, casual clothes, you're often asked to bring your own, as it makes things much simpler, but you have to have lots of changes, to make sure you fit with the needed "look". And it often means avoiding bland colours, stripes and patterns, and absolutely, no logos. Wouldn't want to get sued or anything like that.

Then it's off to hair and make-up. As an extra, this is usually very minimal, if anything at all, given that the formal name of extras is "background artistes". Hardly seen in the background, it isn't necessary to get all dolled up. Once in a while though, like when you're playing a soldier, a certain look is required. Long hair is not tolerated in the army. And so, I had to have my head shaved. Not exactly a skin head, but given the head of hair I had, even a number 4 with the clippers was incredibly short! But on the bright side, I got a free hair cut, AND, if they cut your hair, they pay you extra! So in some ways, it's win win!

Once that's all out of the way, you do what extras, and most actors do most. You wait. Could be for 20 minutes. Could be for 5 hours, there really is no telling. My first time on set, a guy said to me "actors and extras become black belts in banter", because you just sit around with everyone and effectively "chill out" until you are called onto set. If you like waiting around, not knowing what is going on, and like to read, then this is the job for you!

When the time finally comes to head onto set, you follow a runner down to your designated place on set, and then often wait around again, this time waiting to hear from a director about where you should be and what you should be doing. Then you wait while all the technical stuff involved in the shot is set up. And then finally, you act.

Sometimes it's over in a flash. A short, less than a minute scene. But that's quite rare. Usually, it's "from the top please" and you do it all over again. And I quickly came to realise that "let's do it one more time" means we'll do it at least 3 more times before the director is happy. Then the camera gets flipped around, and you do the whole thing all over again from the opposite angle. And you have to remember exactly what you did the first time around. Then it might get done from another angle, a close up perhaps, and everything happens for a third time.

Often, you're acting even though you know you're out of shot, the camera no way near you. But for continuity, noise vibrations, and to help the other actors, you just go ahead and do the same thing again.

If you're lucky, you get some good face time. If you're very lucky, you might get a nice close up, and then get to go home early, because as you've been seen, you can't now be in another scene. Or, you might just have to wait around until everyone has finished. Again, it's back to the waiting, more often than not.

Occasionally, you never make it to set. I was asked to do an episode of Hollyoaks (a soap, for my American readers) and turned up in Liverpool at the studio raring to go. I sat out in the sun for the whole morning, and then at lunchtime, we were told we weren't needed and could go home. With a full day's pay of course. Not bad for a day's work.

Sometimes though, you're on set for the full twelve hours, with the same rate of pay. One time, that was from 2pm, to 2am.  That's what it was like for Fresh Meat. Fresh Meat is a new channel 4 comedy about "freshers" or first year students at university. It's getting some pretty good reviews too! I had a couple of roles in it, one as a background artiste, in the the local pub at a blind dating session and wandering in and out of scenes, and the second as a supporting actor, playing an American Tourist, complete with American accent.



So hopefully, that will be some good face time, and you'll all get to hear my terrible accent. But even with that speaking part, there is no guarantee that you will. Lots of post production edits happen, which is why it's called the cutting room floor. Take this most recent episode of the British Shameless. The scene I am in was filmed from multiple angles, with some relatively "tight" shots on me, but the finished version just shows the angle from the opposite side of me, where I am behind two other people. It's very much a "blink and you'll miss me" shot.

But, if you want to see me on TV, you can check it out on 4oD here. It's the 100th episode of Shameless, quite a milestone episode to star in, and it was written by the series creator Paul Abbot. So check it out! To skip the shenanigans and wonderful language of the Shameless crew, you can skip ahead (after watching the necessary adverts) to 1:03:50 and wait for the scene to cut indoors. The cursing woman bumps in to me, twice, and if you freeze at 1:04:11, you'll see me turn around. Then I get back to drug dealing.

If you're in the US, you'll need to download ExPat Shield so that you can make your computer look like it's from the UK and thus access the video. (It's just gives you a UK IP address). Plus you can watch lots of British shows too!

Fresh Meat is currently airing on Channel 4 too, at 10pm every Wednesday. I might be in tonight's episode, it might be next weeks. My speaking part I think is episode 5, but that's all subject to change. I'll keep you informed, and again, it will be online too. I just saw the back of me, walking into the pub in episode 2. Nothing to write home about though, and more scenes on the way!

Other shows have yet to air, again, I will let you know when they do (and whether you can see me!).

Why is life so complicated?

How can two countries be so divided from each other, when they share a common history, language and even culture?

More to the point, how can I have a job to go to, yet not be able to go, because of visa issues. Does it not make sense that if there is a job in the US where I am wanted, and this job is something I want to take, and it's a job which ultimately benefits the US, that I should be allowed to work that job? Well no, because visas are a complicated thing.

I understand the logic behind them existing; obviously as a country, you want to make sure that your own unemployment rate is kept as low as possible, and that you look after your own citizens' interests first. But, that shouldn't be to the detriment to your own society.

The US allows thousands and thousands of foreign students to enter their universities each year. They are trained to American standards and an American curriculum, and often excel in the work which they produce. They graduate top of their class, having benefited from great resources and wonderful teaching. They have so much potential. And then they have to leave, forced out of the country that just gave them so much. Instead of being able to give back, they take their new skills off to their home country, to work for a foreign company which will than compete globally against an American company. Make sense?

This process happens in every field, from engineering to business, chemistry to accounting. While I may not have fallen into a skilled job category such as nuclear physics, I do have a lot to offer to the local and national community. Yet whether it be political work, or acting, whatever I should happen to choose, or whatever job I should happen to have, if it's in the US, where I could be doing good, beneficial work to lots of Americans, I couldn't just get the job.

I would have to go through a lot of time and expense to get there, which may cause some to say, is it worth it? For me, it is yes, because I really do love America and all it stands for, and sincerely want to live there and offer my services to the community. But, this isn't the kind of thing that you can impress upon officials of any kind. Instead, you have to match a pre-determined criteria. Any deviation, and..tough luck.

America, it seems, doesn't want the best.

Ok, that's my rant over for the evening. I had planned some more entertaining blog posts, but I got bogged down filling in yet more visa forms. Complications with my application which mean there really is no guarantee I'll be able to get a visa. We shall just have to see.

Can The Bird And The Fish Ever Fall In Love?

Yes, but where will they build their nest?

I'm not getting all philosophical on you, it was a question posed in a book I just read. One of the best books I've ever read in fact. And it has nothing to do with inter species breeding, or animals in the wild. It's about a lot of things, but birds and fish don't have a role to play.

Music: Yes. Physics: Yes. Politics: Yes. These are all important parts of the book, but they remain parts. The overarching theme is whether race trumps everything, or whether love, and family, can overcome the constraints of the colour of someone's skin.

The book is called The Time Of Our Singing, by Richard Powers, and is a tale of epic proportions. It spans three generations of the Strom family, from 1939 to 1995, in the United States. The narrator, Joseph, is the son of a mixed race couple; she is from a Baptist family in Philadelphia, he is a German Jewish immigrant. They fall in love at the Marion Anderson concert, in Washington, and their lives spiral outwards from there.

They are united by their love of music, music of all kinds, and this musical thread winds throughout the book, as with incredible skill, the author makes you hear the music coming out of the pages. His descriptions of sounds, beats, and voices are just phenomenal, and his knowledge of all genres is fantastic. This is not a book you can just sit down and scribble out. It's been painstakingly researched, as all the physics descriptions attest to, and is a true labour of love.

I've never read such an eloquent, verbose book before. On many occasions, the descriptions of people, of places, do not just serve the story; they are the story. As I've said, the book is about race and colour. It isn't just black and white though, as the author's descriptive ability shines when describing the skin colour of some of the protagonists. Imagining these characters is extremely easy with Powers' words.

The story itself is easy to imagine, following Joseph as he devotes himself, and his piano playing skill to the services of his older brother Jonah, who has a voice like no other. Jonah is very fair, almost white, and tries in vain to assimilate himself into highbrow white European culture. Yet he remains just "one of the finest Negro singers around". Ruth, the boys younger sister meanwhile, devotes her talents to the Black Panthers. Joseph remains stranded between the two. Everything that happens to the characters is set to a backdrop of race relations in the US during the 50's, 60's, 70's and 80's.

Historically, a lot happened during this period, which perhaps explains why the book is over 600 pages long. It was the historical and political nature of the book which drew me to it in the first place, but they merely remain in the background, anchoring the story firmly in reality. It's the personal relationships which drive the book, and make the story so enthralling.

And, so relevant today. With the ten year anniversary of 9/11 fresh in my mind, the book offers an incredible window on tolerance, differences, and human nature. We all ought to remember the importance of tolerance, and should judge people on their actions, not on their looks.

Civil Rights have long been a passion of mine, and I focused my studies at university on the Civil Rights Movement in the US. This book showcases the Civil Rights Movement in a way no text book ever could. It's not a fast read, not a trashy, throwaway novel. The descriptions are paramount to the story, and should be savoured. But it is a truly incredible read, and I heartily recommend it to anyone.



P.S. It's my ambition to one day write, and narrate, a Civil Rights documentary series, in true BBC/PBS style. I once even mapped it out, episode by episode. Hopefully one day, I'll have the resources to make it a reality, perhaps even in time for the  50th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King's assassination, in 2017.